![]() I lashed out, and we had a dreadful row that night. ![]() I had this feeling like he'd been waiting for me to turn 18 so he could 'go public,’ and that he was going to keep on being with me like he had been - only now we could tell people. "On my 18th birthday, he arrived and kissed my cheek in front of my parents. Due to different circumstances, I had to take on adult responsibilities as a child - but navigating sexual attention from adult men should not have been one of them." -Anonymous, North Carolina To surround myself with lots of good girlfriends and not be in such a hurry to grow up. To realize these predators are selfish, entitled, and manipulative men. If I were to give any advice to my younger self, it would be to love myself so much more than I did. It surely contributed to my distorted view of getting attention from older men. It took me years to work through this, and I still carry lingering shame and guilt since I had been drinking at the time. This predatory dynamic defined much of my adolescent experience with sex and dating. When I was 15 I was assaulted by older men and raped by a 28-year-old. I had large breasts and received unsolicited sexual attention from older men by age 12. I was so lost and broken and found so much excitement in being rebellious and feeling like I was in control. "I’m 34 now and still haven’t been totally honest with myself about how dangerous these situations were. I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that most of my relationships have been with abusers and basically pedophiles." -Anonymous, Washington It's sad to realize my self-worth was so connected to male approval. When I received it from older men, it was affirming. ![]() I never felt beautiful, attractive, or wanted by anyone my age. I wasn’t a skinny teen and had lots of curves early on. Older men always expressed interest in me in pubic, but the boys my age didn’t. "I dated multiple adult men during high school. I just moved on to another guy because I was tired of him cheating. Gauging interest or something? The crazy part is that I never tried to stop any of it. He would parade me around in front of his friends and cousins. Because I didn’t bring him money, I wasn’t enough anymore. I didn’t work, and so I didn’t bring him money. He would manipulatively tell me I didn’t do anything for him. Not only did he continually state how he wanted me to have his children, but he also tried to pimp me out multiple times. Multiple other factors made this an unhealthy relationship, but a few years ago, I realized the trauma I carry most with me is from that time in my life. "The oldest guy I dated was 27 or so, and I was 16.
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